5 Useful Items You Can’t Donate To Troops Overseas

Our troops are like breasts.
Ya gotta support em.

Any real American makes a habit of donating things to U.S. troops stationed overseas. The problem is that a great deal of useful items are actually contraband and are not acceptable to be shipped to our heroes. It’s like they made a list of all the things people actually need and said you can’t send them. Here are the top 5 types of things they foolishly won’t let you send to troops overseas:

5. VHS or DVDs

When I think of all the things I would like if I was stationed overseas, movies would be near the top on that list. From blockbuster action hits to drama to comedy, you can’t go wrong with a VHS or DVD. Yet for some reason you can’t send these to the troops. I guess they don’t want them having too much fun.

I guess a few people ruined the fun for everyone by sending home videos of them cheating on their husband.

4. Prescriptions

You’re not allowed to send pills to troops which doesn’t make sense. What if a soldier has ADD or depression? Wouldn’t some of your extra medication help them out? Why don’t they want us to help?

What care package would be complete without a few Vicodins?

3. Books

Oddly enough you’re not allowed to send books to the troops. This clearly makes no sense. What harm can be done from reading a book? Are they afraid the troops will learn things and change their minds about being there?

Maybe they're afraid reading makes you soft or more apprehensive to take life.

2. Porn

If you ask any soldier what they want I’m pretty sure they’d say porn. Yet you can’t send any over to them. Why not? I have a huge collection and I’m trying to liquidate it. What better way than to ship it to Afghanistan in a giant box? I win, the troops win, more importantly, America wins.

What kind of smut is this? Look at this deviant harlot!

And the number one thing they won’t let you send to our troops overseas is…

1. Stained clothing

Obviously we know what they mean by “stained clothing.” They’re talking about used panties and sure maybe it’s a little perverse, but whats the harm here? Unless the woman has some serious biological problems going on in her vagina, this is a perfectly appropriate gift to someone who’s risking their life for our freedom. You’re probably wondering why I would care about sending stained clothing to the troops. Well, again I have a huge collection and I’ve been doing a lot of spring cleaning. I thought I found a nice easy solution and then I find out they don’t let you send the stuff. Now I have to donate this shit to Goodwill. Whatever!

You'd think a nice gift basket of used cloth menstrual pads would be a nice gift for the troops, but apparently they won't accept it.