The Top 5 WORST Ways To Get Out of a Ticket

"What's your problem,
ossifer?!"

There’s nothing quite like the feeling you get when you’re speeding down the freeway and you see that highway patrol siren go off in your rear view mirror. When that happens you have to fight every urge to floor it and get into a high speed chase and you have to turn on your emergency flashers, pull over, turn off the engine, turn on your dome light, and roll down the window. Then it’s up to you to talk your way out of the ticket. That doesn’t always work, but it’s much better than doing these things:

5. Stuff a handful of pennies in your mouth.

They say this helps you beat a breathalyzer, but it doesn’t. Plus if you weren’t pulled over for drunk driving then this makes even less sense to do. You’ll just look even more mentally unstable than you are which won’t help you evade a ticket.

Pennies are probably the worst tasting of all the American coins.

4. Vanish like a magician.

If you’re a talented magician you might think you can throw some flash powder in the cop’s face and vanish from your car. If you’re not a talented magician usually the cop will see you trying to get out of the passenger seat while the powder is settling and they’ll chase your ass into the woods and beat you with a baton until the cows come home.

Acting like a magician around cops is never a good idea, especially when they have you in handcuffs.

3. Say “I no English. I no English” and drive away acting all foreign.

Foreign people get out of a lot of situations by saying they don’t speak English. Most people don’t want to take the time to figure out what they’re talking about. However, when you just ran over five people at a crosswalk, the cops tend to put a little more effort into it.

This only works if you really don't speak English.

2. Offer sexual favors.

Now this might work if you’re an attractive woman, but if you’re a man don’t even bother. Doing this is just going to make you look really bad in front of your kids in the back seat. Plus, there’s a good chance you’ll be brought up on soliciting prostitution.

Your odds drastically improve when the officer is the opposite gender. However, the odds are still very bad.

And the number one worst way to get out of a ticket is...

1. Drive away really fast.

Even if you’re driving the fastest car on the planet, the cops will find you. The only vehicles that ever elude highway patrol are motorcycles so unless you’re on one of those don’t even bother trying to speed away. This is very dangerous and you’re going to put a lot of lives at risk not just your own and your family.

I don't care if you're driving one of these bad boys, you still shouldn't try to outrun the cops.