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| Nudity isn't all fun and games. |
There’s nothing more liberating than the feeling of walking around completely naked in your home. Sadly, life isn’t perfect so there are always obstacles in the way of your achieving true happiness. It wouldn’t be life if there weren’t things ruining everything and even walking around naked is subject to that rule. Here are the top 5 negatives to walking around naked in your house:
5. Mosquitoes
When you’re walking around naked in your house you’re very vulnerable to mosquitoes and other biting insects. Normally mosquitoes shouldn’t have access to your private parts, but when you’re naked, finding mosquito bites on your genitalia isn’t uncommon which then leads to inconvenient and inappropriate itching throughout the day.
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| Mosquitoes will go for the balls if given the chance. |
4. Peeping toms
The only person more happy than mosquitoes to see you naked in your house is your creepy neighbor Randolph. Unless you want to accidentally make eye contact with him hiding in your hedges it’s best to keep the blinds closed which of course spoils some of the fun of being naked to begin with.
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| I don't know why you need binoculars that big... |
3. Shit stains on the couch
One benefit to underpants and clothing that we don’t think about too often until we’re naked in our house is shitstain prevention. It’s usually impossible to wipe everything out after a big dump so if you’re naked all the time there’s a decent chance you’re going to get some shitstains on your couch and bed. Not great to have around when company’s over.
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| Get the OxyClean ready! Here come the shit stains! |
2. You can’t buy Girl Scout cookies
When that doorbell rings and you realize it’s Girl Scouts selling their tasty cookies you can get so excited you forget you’re naked. BIG MISTAKE. BIG GODDAMN MISTAKE. That’s a mistake you only need to make once before you never make it again and in that case the only way you’ll be eating Girl Scout cookies is through a third party buyer.
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| It's a bad idea to answer the door naked no matter who it is really. |
And the number one reason not to walk around your house naked all the time is…
1. Painful accidents
If you’ve ever accidentally sat on your remote control you know what I’m talking about. Sometimes having pants on can be a life saver. Just that single sheet of cloth can prevent a remote from going straight up your tailpipe. That’s the type of thing that can happen with no one around and you’re still embarrassed for life.
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| You do NOT want to sit on these while naked. |
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