Dumbass Sayings: “I Got Your Back”

Unless I'm giving you a
piggy back ride, you don't
got my back.

When you’re hanging out with a bunch of your homies from da hood playing soccer and you accidentally kick the ball at an old lady sitting on a nearby bench sometimes she’ll get hit in the head by that ball and get really angry and stand up shaking her cane at you. She holds the ball in one hand and with the other gestures to “Come get some” with her cane. You have to go over to get the ball back from this crazy bitch and one of the guys says “I got your back.” Oh good, you got my back? How about getting my side! Whenever I hear “I got your back” I picture someone hiding behind my back while a crazy old lady is smashing me with her cane and yelling cuss words that haven’t been used since the 1920’s. That’s not helping me out, that’s helping yourself out by using me as a human shield, you filthy two timing, dadgum, mollygrubbin, ninnyhammer! And of course the worst thing is I can’t even press charges because no jury is willing to convict some old coot who has two days to live as it is!