What caused the Celebrity Death Storm of 2009?

This recent storm was one of the biggest celebrity death hurricanes in the past four decades. We will all undoubtedly remember the damage for years to come. But now that it's over, we have to take stock in what we have left. Lindsay Lohan, OJ Simpson, and the ShamWow guy somehow made it and thank God. But how long until the next storm strikes?

I would blame global warming and the recent El Nino effect that has also been affecting national weather, but that's what the media wants me to do. Then again the media wanted me to get scared about Swine Flu and that was pretty fun... Oh what the hell!

The world has not taken big enough steps to reduce carbon emissions and we are now paying the true price! Celebrities are our most precious resource, more important than oil, water, chocolate, and even babies. If we don't stop polluting the Earth, we might only be able to introduce our grandchildren to celebrities using old tattered magazines and worn out sex dolls with home printed photos taped over the heads.

-Binkie McFartnuggets

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