Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Normal to Be Afraid of Midgets?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
I have a sort of embarrassing condition to admit. I am deathly afraid of midgets. I don’t know exactly when it started, maybe when I was a kid. I was at a park and I saw a midget there and it was really creepy to me for some reason. It was an adult but my size so that was scary to me. Now that I’m older, like high school girls, I’ve gotten bigger and older, but the midgets stayed the same. The thing that really scares me is the idea that a midget could be in your house right now and you’d have no idea. They can get through your doggie door and hide anywhere in your house! For some reason this feeling overcomes me with panic whenever I think about it. I could look all over the house and never be 100% sure there wasn’t a midget hiding in my pantry or something you know? People tell me I’m weird for having this fear, but it’s real. There could be a midget hiding under your bathroom sink right now. That could literally be happening and you wouldn’t ever know it! -- Hugo from Shrewsbury, Massachusetts

Dear Hugo:
Okay wow. That’s a little bit much. First, right off the bat they’re not called the m-word they’re called “Diminutive Stature Individuals.” To answer your question, no it’s not normal to be that afraid of short people, but it’s not unheard of either. It’s called Achondroplasiaphobia, the unnatural fear of people with Achondroplasia. While what you said about DSI is true, they COULD be in your house, you have to stop and think, why would they be in your house? Try to work through this logically. What are they there for? If anything they’d be there to give you a hug and tell you to calm down because they’re just normal people like anyone else. I would say you have to face your fears, but DSI are just regular people. I wouldn’t recommend going up to one and touching them or staring at them the way you would a mime or a clown. Realize that they’re just shorter people than average and they have a condition that usually creates a lot of joint pain and bone issues for them so even if there was a rogue tiny person in your house, there’s really nothing to fear even IF that did happen. Most likely they’re too busy living their lives and raising families to be camping out in your bathroom cupboard for hours on end waiting for the perfect moment to jump out at you.

They're so cute it's scary.

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