Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Okay to Raise My Child to Speak in an English Accent?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
I’m three months pregnant and after watching YouTube videos I’ve decided I’m going to teach my child to speak with an English accent. For some reason children are a thousand times cuter when they speak in an English accent like they’re tiny butlers running around in a Charles Dickens story. I’m just wondering if there are any negatives to this. Could it ruin the child’s mind in anyway? I love babies with English accents, but I want to do the right thing. Maybe I’ll try it with this first one and if it doesn’t work out I’ll stop doing it for the future children I plan to have. -- Lindsie from Tempe, Arizona

Dear Lindsie:
Yeeeeeaaaaahhh… I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. Firstly, that would take quite a commitment. You would need to be speaking in an English accent to your baby almost exclusively. Not many people who aren’t from England can pull that off. Even if you do manage to do that, your child will likely get teased at school by their American accent speaking peers. They’ll ask you why you raised them to speak with an English accent and you’ll have to look them dead in the eyes and say “Because I thought it was cute.” Of course, there’s also the chance that they may pick up an American accent from all their normal classmates over time which will foil your several year plan. I guess it could work for the first two or four years, but once their brains develop enough to create memories I would cut it out.

You may as well send your child to school dressed up like a foppish dandy.

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