Ask McFartnuggets: “Am I Really Human or am I Bacteria?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I read that bacteria cells in the human body outnumber human cells 10 to 1. So technically I’m more of a collection of microorganisms than I am a person, right? I must be a transorganism! I’m a bunch of bacteria born into a person’s body. I’m really confused now. Is there some kind of surgery I can have done to me in order to be the bacteria I really am? I’m tired of living a lie! -- Steven from Burbank, California

Dear Steven:

By cell count you are more bacteria than you are human, but microorganisms are much smaller than human cells so they only make up around 1 to 2% of your total body mass. So by body mass and volume you’re more human than bacteria by a lot. If you really think you are transorganism then there’s really not much you can do to have an organism change besides adding way more bacteria to your body which could make you very sick. The risks of a procedure like that are far too high. I would just get used to being a human because we all have to. It’s not like there are bacteria people living fulfilling lives out there, we’re all dealing with this news the same way. Sometimes it’s better to be in complete denial.

Most people go their whole lives without realizing they're basically just a giant breathing sack of bacteria.

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