The Top 5 Weirdest Alternatives To Tampons and Maxi Pads

There are lots of things
you can release an egg onto.

We’ve all been in a situation where we needed an emergency tampon or maxi pad and there’s been no real ones available. That’s when a girl has to improvise and pull an old MacGyver on her vagina. Here are the top 5 weirdest alternatives to tampons and maxi pads:

5. Tea bag

Tea bags are a lot like tampons when you look at them. They have an absorbent substance inside a cloth material and they have the string attached so you don’t lose it up there. If you do use a tea bag tampon things can get a little messy, but on the bright side you get a huge caffeine energy boost and make a great cup of tea for your vampire friends.

4. Rabbit’s Foot

A rabbit’s foot is a furry tampon sized item usually with a keychain attached for easy removal. On top of that it’s a good luck charm so having one of those in your hoohah can only bring good fortune.

3. Sea sponge

If you want to go the natural route when dealing with your period I would recommend sea sponges. They come from the ocean which of course is affected by the moon which also has an effect on menstruation so it’s all linked there. If mermaids exist I’m certain they use sea sponge tampons.

2. Hazmat chemical pillow

Now if you’re not the tampon kind of gal maybe you want a different alternative to maxi pads. While costly, Hazmat chemical pillows are probably the most absorbent products out there. They’re meant to soak up large chemical spills so even the most extreme period should not be a problem.

And the number one weirdest tampon and maxi pad alternative is…

1. ShamWow

How the ShamWow hasn’t put the tampon and maxi pad industry out of business by now is one of the greatest mysteries of the 21st century. ShamWows are advertised to hold up to 12x their weight in fluid. The strongest tampons and maxi pads can only hold 10 times it’s weight and they’re usually made with Infinicel, a plastic foam that can release toxic chemicals into the bloodstream. The ShamWow is made of rayon and polypropylene which are also unsafe materials, so they’re all unsafe, but you get 12 times the soppage vs 10 so the ShamWow wins that battle.