Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do Starving African People Have Babies?”

Check your watch,
it's sexy time.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I always see commercials with a Santa Claus looking guy who asks me to give money to starving people in Africa who look like skeletons and it breaks my heart. Then I start thinking wait a minute, if these people are basically skeletons with only skin covering their bones who drink dirty water and eat basically nothing why would they have intercourse? Why would they make babies who will end up suffering little tiny baby skeletons with no food or clean water? Who would do that? I don’t even understand how they can get aroused to perform the lovin’. Shouldn’t being a skeleton be a sign you shouldn’t be engaging in hot sex? How does that even work? I can’t even imagine what that would look like. As much as I want to help these people I can’t help but think some of this is their own fault. Am I wrong? Why are they doing this? -- Amanda from Columbus, Ohio

Dear Amanda:

You can’t really fault them for getting romantic, it’s a natural human impulse regardless of your living situation. Crackheads and meth addicts have sex so why wouldn’t people starving in Africa? What else is there for them to do? They can’t go to a Rolling Stones concert or play field hockey for fun. Never underestimate what people will do when they’re bored. Plus, people who are starving need to do something to take their mind off the hunger. They must feel a thousand times hungrier afterward, but at that moment they’re enjoying themselves. Another thing is, the human body is the ultimate judge of whether or not you should be pregnant. If you’re in bad enough shape the body won’t sustain a baby living inside of it. So the fact that they do have babies tells you that things could be worse.

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