Dumbass Sayings: “Happy Holidays”

The whole point behind saying “Happy holidays” is to avoid saying “Merry Christmas” and alienating everyone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas. Well, not everyone celebrates a wintertime religious holiday. So even saying “Happy holidays” is alienating to someone who chooses to observe no holiday at all. If you want to be 100% politically correct just say “Happy December.” Then we could all be happy together about it being December rather than getting too specific about particular denominational festivals. That’s kind of what “Season’s greetings” is, but no one actually says that out loud, it sounds too weird. The thing is of it is, that warm feeling we get from the December holidays could continue all year long if we actually wanted it to. The reason everyone is nice around the holidays is because they’re getting gifts and time off work. If only people could pretend like that was happening every month we could have holiday cheer year round. Then we could wish people “Happy February” and still feel that Christmas-y, Hanukkah-y, Kwanzaa-y, Festivus-y feeling all the time. People could feed random homeless people turkey and stuffing in March. You’d see random acts of kindness in May without any religious overtones. People could be in a good mood and you wouldn’t have to wonder why. Unfortunately because we don’t get those December holiday gifts and time off work it’s a little harder to not be an asshole the other eleven months of the year and just a few people staying cheerful doesn’t amount to that fully encompassing feeling of holiday spirit. If we want to ever achieve that year round joy, the first step is to stop making a big deal about holidays and that means cutting out the “Happy holidays.”

"Hmm, what do I say to her? Merry Christmas? Merry Hanukkah? Happy Kwanzaa? Is she Amish? What the hell is this freak?!"