Whales play a tremendous role in our ecosystem. We all know they eat krill and take huge shits, but did you know that the nitrogen in the whale shit actually helps regulate our planet? Whales come to the surface of the ocean to poop and it’s a good thing they do because the nitrates in the feces fertilize plankton. That plankton is then responsible for absorbing carbon dioxide and producing oxygen just like a tree. When plankton die, all the carbon they’ve absorbed is deposited at the ocean floor. This process is a huge key to maintaining the current climate as well as the health of our oceans and planet. Now the question is, how can we multiply this effect to have an even more beneficial impact on the planet? How can we get the most out of whales as whaley possible and keep that whale shit flowing? Clearly the answer is to create some type of Taco Bell for whales. Taco Bell has been and remains the king of all diarrhea. It may have been in a close race with White Castle, but when Taco Bell decided to start serving breakfast which meant adding coffee and eggs to their menu, they pulled ahead for good. No one can touch Taco Bell on the diarrhea mountain and they’ve made very sure to keep it that way. That said, scientists need to formulate a way to create a krill based Taco Bell food source that will stimulate the bowels of whales and produce as much feces and nitrate as possible. We need those whales to be doing two things: eating and pooping. There’s simply no time for anything else. We need to move on this. Time is running out.
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| The average Blue Whale shits approximately 3 tons of waste per day. |
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