Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Better to Poop in the Morning or Night?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

What is the better time of day to take your daily poops? Is it better to get it over with in the mornings or save it up for the nighttime? I try to get it over with in the mornings though sometimes it causes me to be late to work. What is your advice? -- Tonya from Nova Scotia, Canada

Dear Tonya:

I am a staunch supporter of the morning bowel movement. There’s simply no reason to be going throughout your day carrying a lower intestine full of shit. Yes, it is nice to be able to take your time with a relaxing night dump without having to get to work, however it’s just not worth the risk of holding that burden with you all day. In the end it’s worth risking being a little late to work to avoid being in a situation where you’re speeding home from work about to crap yourself. In both scenarios you’re rushing, the big difference is if you’re rushing to work after pooping there’s almost no chance of shitting yourself. If you’re rushing home after not pooping all day then you’re taking a larger risk with your dignity and personal well being. If you’re racing home about to drop a dos in your pantalones then you’re going to be taking some serious risks behind the wheel and your mind won’t even think twice about it. That’s not just putting your life at risk, it’s gambling with other people’s lives as well. It’s incredibly dangerous and not a situation you ever want to be in. Don’t invite that possibility into your life. Get your crapping done early. Trust me.

Morning dumps have become part of my normal morning routine just like a shower.

Write your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com