Dumbass Sayings: "Do The Curtains Match The Drapes?"

When you dye your hair green just to change things up a little there’s a good chance you’ll meet someone who asks “Hey, do the curtains match the drapes?” They’re basically trying to ascertain whether or not you’ve also dyed your pubic hair. The problem I have with this saying is that it’s not clear what means what. What are the “curtains” my head hair or my pubic hair? This is very confusing. Curtains and drapes are essentially the same thing so this saying really doesn’t make much sense. If you’re going to liken pubic and head hair to household decorations then they should be different. My head hair is a lot different than my pubic hair so to call one drapes and one curtains is like comparing apples to oranges when in reality it’s more like comparing apples to laser beams. When it comes to my hair situation it’s a tale of two cities.

The dictionary definition of a “curtain” is “a hanging piece of fabric used to shut out the light from a window, adorn a room, increase privacy, etc.” Judging by that definition I would liken that to pubic hair since it’s all about privacy. However, this is the dictionary definition of “drapes”: “a curtain or hanging of heavy fabric and usually considerable length, especially either of a pair for covering a window and drawn open and shut horizontally.” Now the addition of the terms “heavy fabric” and “considerable length” lead me to think that’s more accurately describing my pubic hair. The point is, none of this makes sense. If you want to be a little more clear ask people if “the merkin matches the toupee” instead.

If you dye your pubes the same color as your hair, you're not spicing things up enough.