Dumbass Sayings: “I Jiggle Therefore I Am”

When your Aunt Harriet is jogging through the park wearing skintight leggings despite the fact she’s 250 lbs and only 5 foot 1 people sometimes say discouraging things to her. She typically responds by screaming “I jiggle therefore I am!” This is a saying that is growing in popularity primarily among overweight women. Of course it’s a play off the famous quote “I think therefore I am” from the French philosopher Rene Descartes. Now while I support the right of women to dress how they want and feel comfortable with their body, this saying just doesn’t make sense. The act of thinking and being able to doubt one’s own existence is what proves you exist. Now because you jiggle might mean you exist, but if you don’t jiggle, does that mean you don’t exist? Of course not. Therefore, “I jiggle therefore I am” is not really the same thing. This is something a sentient Jell-o mold should say, not a human with a lot of excess body fat.

At a certain point you go from "jiggling" to "quaking."