Ask McFartnuggets: “How Come Women Never Want To Be Reminded of Their Age, Then Get Mad When You Forget Their Birthday?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

My girlfriend is always like “Please don’t bring up how old I am” then if I forget to get her a present on her birthday she gets all pissed off. Okay so which is it? Should I be very aware of your age and celebrate an extra year added onto it which makes you older and make a huge deal about how you’re 43 now, or should I never bring up your age, never think about it ever, and therefore it’d be perfectly understandable to forget your birthday? Why do women always want things both ways? -- Jack from Red Bank, New Jersey

Dear Jack:

Women do work in mysterious ways… Of course your girlfriend doesn’t want to be reminded of how old she’s getting and how much closer she’s inching to a natural death, but at the same time a birthday is the one day a year we’ve agreed to treat people like they’re better than everyone else. Who would pass that up? The thing of it is, having a birthday is pretty much a guaranteed thing. You can’t have your birthday celebration taken away because you’ve been ignoring your age all year. We don’t punish inconsistency like that in society. If that happened you’d probably be upset which is what happened with your girlfriend. Everyone wants the best of both worlds, it’s not just women. Women just get noticed for that desire more often because being treated like a man and a woman simultaneously is a little more complex than than celebrating a birthday. Birthdays are much lower stakes issue so do her a favor, remember the birthday and every other day of the year never think of it again. In this instance, you can have your birthday cake and eat it too.

It seems like sometimes you just can't win with these people.

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