Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Lose 21 Grams of Mass After They Die?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I’ve heard that right after someone dies they lose 21 grams of mass. Is this proof that people have souls and the human soul weighs 21 grams? -- Pookie from Inglewood, California

Dear Pookie:

Of course we all lose weight shortly after we die. The human body purges all of its waste and excrement because the muscles lose tension. I’m sure we lose much more than 21 grams. So unless you think your soul is feces, I doubt the 21 grams is your soul. I don’t see how a soul can have that much mass. If a soul has mass then that means thoughts and other intangible things have a mass too and I don’t think people who have a lot of thoughts are heavier than people who don’t. In fact, a lot of empty headed people tend to be on the more hefty side. That’s usually because they’re sitting on the couch watching Hulu all day, which must be a coincidence, but the idea remains. You don’t see that many obese philosophers. And why would everyone’s soul weigh the same? Surely someone who stepped on kittens would have a less substantial soul, or would they have a heavier soul so that gravity could take effect and it could sink into the core of Hell more easily and be harder to lift into the kingdom of heaven? We could go on and on about this all day, point is we do know people shit themselves after they die, that’s a proven scientific fact. We have no idea if souls exist.

"I got your 21 grams right here!"

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