Ask McFartnuggets: “If Bees Go Extinct Can’t We Just Use Hummingbirds To Pollinate Stuff?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I always hear people going on and on about how we can’t let the bees go extinct. If we let the bees go extinct then we’ll all die because the bees pollinate the flowers and if that doesn’t happen then there will be a chain reaction and every species on earth will die! Umm… Hummingbirds pollinate flowers too mafacka! Why can’t we just rely on them bitches if all the bees die? -- Caleb from Vermont

Dear Caleb:

Well that is true, hummingbirds do pollinate flowers, however they don’t pollinate nearly as many flowers, vegetables, and fruits as honey bees. Hummingbirds and bees have evolved to pollinate entirely different flowers to keep each from robbing each other’s nectar. Hummingbirds can see the colors of some flowers that bees can’t and vice versa. The problem is honey bees pollinate lots of food crops like almonds, raspberries, beets, tomatoes, alfalfa, and onions just to name a few. When it comes to food, hummingbirds only pollinate cashews and passion fruit. So unless science can find a way to genetically modify hummingbirds to notice these other plants and pollinate lots of other fruits and vegetables then we’re screwed. This could be particularly difficult because these animals have been altered by generations of evolution along with the plants so there are nuances in the pollination process. It’s not like normal sex where ya just ram it in there, it’s a more delicate process that works great the way it is with honey bees. If those honey bees disappear it will take a lot to replace them.

Hummingbirds are sort of like upside down bees, who aren't stinging assholes.

Thanks for your questions and keep sending them to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com