4.30.2015

Ask McFartnuggets: ”Why Do People Riot During Protests?

Dear McFartnuggets: 
With the violence during the protests for Freddie Mercury, I’ve been asking why people make the decision to riot. What does this accomplish? Do these people really think that setting cars on fire and looting will help the cops take it easier on them and view them as less of a threat? As far as I can see the only good thing about rioting is it makes loads of money for news companies aka rich White men. Is that really what these protesters want to do? -- Wanda from Providence, Rhode Island

Dear Wanda:
It’s actually Freddie Gray, although the Mercury IS RISING. Rioting has been getting a bad rap lately, but there are some positives. For starters, it’s a great full body workout. You work a lot of different muscles by throwing garbage cans and turning over cars that you can’t normally target with normal exercise. Also, it gets people outside socializing. If we were worried about kids these days staying inside playing video games and getting obese, rioting is definitely one solution to that. Plus, rioting is a nice way to release your anger. As long as no one gets hurt, what’s the big deal? Have you ever set a car on fire before? It’s very satisfying. Cars are basically like giant super expensive scented candles. You set a couple of those ablaze and it really helps relieve tension. As far as looting goes that also has some positives. If people are looting from big companies like Best Buy and Walmart then maybe those companies will put more pressure on police to stop killing random Black people. Now that’s a long shot, but it’s theoretically possible if enough shit is stolen. Everything has a silver lining, even riots. It may be hard to see, but I’m always looking on the bright side and with all the car fires, things are looking brighter than ever!

Sometimes the cops use tear gas and it's always nice to have a good cry every now and then.

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