The Top 5 Differences Between Babies and Elderly People

As we all know there are numerous similarities between babies and elderly people. The similarities like how they both shit their pants and have very little hair are all part of the cycle of life here on Earth. There are however a few key differences between babies and anti-babies aka elderly people. Here are the top 5 differences to take note of:

5. It’s a lot less sad when babies cry.

One difference babies and elderly people have is how they cry. Babies cry on a near constant basis while elderly people are much more measured and disciplined with their crying. Babies cry so often it’s almost never sad when it happens. When an elderly person cries though it’s usually pretty serious and pretty depressing.

Stop crying and put your tits away, old man!

4. Elderly people can take Viagra.

Viagra was intended for elderly people specifically so they could keep having sex in spite of nature and everything holy. It was definitely not meant for babies. I don’t know what happens when a baby eats a Viagra nor do I want to know, but I assume it could cause a deadly drop in blood pressure with a potential loss of vision

Most of this will severely damage a baby.

3. Babies don’t ramble and tell really long stories that have no point.

Babies can be pretty annoying, but at least they don’t go on and on about what they had for lunch. Meanwhile an elderly person will ramble on about a corned beef sandwich until they fall asleep. What makes you think I’m interested in this grandma? Think about it. You’re discussing CURED MEATS.

Oh, in the 1930's you rode a turtle? Fascinating.

2. Elderly people rarely breastfeed.

A major difference between babies and elderly is you almost never see an elderly person sucking milk out of a woman’s tits. Most people consider that a waste of breast milk which is sad. Why shouldn’t they be able to drink some fresh tit milk every once in awhile? They’re just old babies after all. Your mother breastfed you, you can’t return the favor?

Most people don't want an elderly person making this type of eye contact with them.

And the number one difference between elderly people and babies is...

1. People love visiting babies.

This is probably the most depressing difference between babies and elderly people. Could you imagine a world where people actually cared as much about elderly people as they do babies? In that world people might actually be able to die happily more often than not. Babies get all the attention and love, meanwhile what have they done to deserve it? Shouldn’t we force babies to earn respect and admiration? A lot of elderly people who have done great things in their life die alone and forgotten while being abused by Jamaican orderlies as we take blank minded babies and put them on a throne of unearned acclaim. You got pulled out of a vagina, congratulations! Grandpa helped defeat the Germans in World War II and now his brain is eating itself alive at a one room internment camp in Florida.

Babies are so cute.