Ask McFartnuggets: “Where’s The Best Place to Aim When You Pee?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I was just wondering what do you think the best place to aim when you pee is? When I aim straight for the center it always kicks up piss mist that splatters onto the seat which my grandmother complains about, but if I aim for the side of the bowl to get the pee to roll down silently like a ninja sometimes I’ll miss entirely and pee all over the floor. What is your technique? -- Deacon from Lowell, Massachusetts

Dear Deacon:

Yeah I know what you mean. I never aim for the center because it’s basically like spraying a water cannon into the toilet. As you said, aiming for the sides is great because the concave shape of the bowl somehow minimizes the pee recoil, except in the event of a stray stream where the jet suddenly comes out at a perpendicular angle. What I’ve been doing lately is just peeing into a gallon sized jug. You get basically no splash back and when it gets too full I just pour it into the bathtub so there’s no unpredictability. Then if you want you can “flush” by turning the shower on. Then again that’s IF you want to. As they say if it’s yellow let it mellow, urine is sterile. I use my toilet for pooping only now. I would never pee in the shower though, that’s disgusting.

If you're having trouble with your accuracy it may be time to invest in a wide rim Italian toilet.

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