The Top 5 Reasons “Mrs. Doubtfire” Would Never Work in Real Life

We all know “Mrs. Doubtfire” is one of the greatest movies ever made, but after you’ve watched it for the 500th time you start to notice minor flaws. The reason the movie is so good is because the flaws don’t really detract from the viewing experience. Still, it’s interesting to think about what would happen if “Mrs. Doubtfire” was real. Here are the top 5 reasons it wouldn’t work out in reality:

5. Background checks.

In real life people tend to do background checks on the people they’re hiring as nannies. I know Daniel Hillard had the connections with his brother to make himself look like a woman, but did he have connections to get him a fake ID and other documentation? He gives one reference over the phone from the Smythe family and that’s adequate enough for Sally Field? That’s not the Miranda I know! Maybe when it’s an elderly woman you turn a blind eye, but this bitch was built like a brickhouse. You do your damn homework on that sort of thing.

"I was very young when I got this ID, dear."

4. Mrs. Doubtfire’s sense of humor.

I can believe that the makeup and costume was good enough to fool the family into thinking Mrs. Doubtfire was an original person, but it would be too much of a coincidence that this woman had the same zany sense of humor as their father. How many elderly English women do you know who act like Robin Williams? That plus the smile should have given him away real early on.

Most elderly women aren't great at physical comedy.

3. Mrs. Doubtfire’s hands.

The one thing Daniel couldn’t hide or make look like an old woman was his hands. There’s a reason they didn’t have any scenes of him as Mrs. Doubtfire touching one of the kids’ faces because you’d see a big ass hairy man hand that was a different skin shade than her face. As with most transvestites, the hands are always a dead giveaway.

"Mrs. Doubtfire why do your hands look like the hands of a hairy man in his 40's?"

2. The two oldest children discovered the truth.

After the son walks in on Mrs. Doubtfire taking a leak, Daniel has to explain the truth to his two oldest kids. From that point on they have to keep his identity a secret in front of their mother and little sister. You don’t see any scenes of them having to pretend he’s still Mrs. Doubtfire besides the restaurant scene and I think that’s intentional. It would be way too awkward to have your dad dressed up in drag just going around the house continuing the charade even though you know the truth. That’s asking a lot of your kids. Which leads us to the number two reason Mrs. Doubtfire wouldn’t work in real life...

Once his son saw that standing piss jet it should have been over.

And the number one reason why Daniel Hillard's plan would never work is...

1. There was no end game.

Let’s say things worked out perfectly, Daniel was able to juggle the two dinners at Bridges, get his own show where he didn’t have to dress like a woman, Pierce Brosnan died, and Miranda gave up custody of the kids. What would become of Mrs. Doubtfire? She was a big part of the kids’ lives and the only reason she ever had to go away was because everyone found out the truth. Daniel’s custody of the kids would rely on no one ever knowing the truth about Mrs. Doubtfire. That means he would either have to keep being Mrs. Doubtfire on and off for years even after he has the kids back OR he would have to make her disappear by either faking her death or having her move back to England. Obviously this would be a little suspicious to everyone particularly Miranda. Why would this man sized nanny suddenly have to leave fairly soon after my ex-husband got the kids back? That’s when it would hit her and she would have the case she needed to regain full custody.

His only hope would be a sympathetic transvestite judge.