Dumbass Sayings: “Sweating Like a Pig”

Sometimes when a coworker will show you their homemade porn on their phone they say “Look at that, I was really sweating like a pig!” Sweating like a pig? What the hell are you talking about? I’ve got some news for ya pal, pigs don’t really sweat. They do have some sweat glands, but when was the last time you saw a really sweaty pig? The only type of pigs that sweat are pigs in a blanket and those aren’t real pigs. When you create a phrase to communicate profuse sweating then the thing you’re comparing yourself to should be something that’s actually sweaty like a meth addict in a Bill Cosby sweater or a Chet from work in his homemade porno. Pigs are famous for rolling around in mud and they do that as a replacement for sweating to cool themselves off. What did you think they were doing that for, just to be gross and to keep people from eating them? Well if that’s the case then it didn’t work because they’re delicious. So the next time some lady at the club says “Good god, get a towel you’re sweating like a disgusting pig!” Say “Guess what, dumbass. Pigs don’t sweat! Get your damn sayings right!”

You see any sweat here, jackass?