Ask McFartnuggets: “Could Plastic Microbeads Be The Cure For Obesity?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
Do you hear about the microbeads? The news is saying about how plastic microbeads in bodywash and soaps are passing through water treatment plants because they’re so small and polluting the ocean. Then the microbeads collect in the oceans like little pellets and fishes are eating them by accidental thinking it’s food. Then the fishes think they are full by mistake and die of starvation because they are eating the microbeads and not real fish foods. Could this work for people now too? Could people eat microbeads so they feel full and stop eating so much fat foods? -- Hernando from Tulsa, Oklahoma

Dear Hernando:
Well, that is an interesting idea, but I don’t put too much confidence in it. First off, the microbeads are toxic, that’s one of the main reasons they’re a problem. Also, I’m not sure if they would be big enough to work for humans. People would have to eat bigger microbeads like the size of marbles. Even if someone managed to make that non-toxic, I’m not so sure the human body would mistake plastic marbles for food. A fish might because fish are stupid, but the human body is a little more complex. I suppose it has a chance to work, but then you’ve got people shitting out plastic marbles into the toilet and that causes a whole load of other problems. We have enough microbeads in the ocean just from face washes, we don’t need millions of tons more from the large digestive systems of the obese. We’d be sacrificing the oceans and landfills for obesity and while obesity is an issue, the environment is far more important.

This bird was clearly eating the wrong types of plastic.

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