Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Doesn’t The Pope Fight Crime?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
It seems like whenever the Pope visits America crime rates drop drastically wherever he goes. So what I wanna know is why does he ever leave? Wouldn’t it be better to have him just live in America, particularly places like Detroit and Chicago where crime rates are really high and have his mere presence stop crime? The Pope could be like a crimefighter. He could have a huge impact on crime in America and in other areas of the world. Instead he mostly stays in Rome. Wouldn’t it behoove him to help make a bigger difference by becoming a superhero? -- Tully from Oakland, California

Dear Tully:
While I’m sure that is true that crime drops when the pope is in town I don’t think it would work as a permanent strategy. For one, I’m pretty sure a lot of the crime rate drop has to do with an increased police presence surrounding the pope. When the pope visits there are cops everywhere so that would likely be the cause of people behaving themselves more so than the holiness of the pope. Second, if the pope were to move to America permanently it would only be a matter of time before the novelty wore off. People would eventually start committing crimes in front of the pope. You can only suppress your sins for awhile before they come bubbling up. The only way to prevent this would be to turn the city he moved to into a totalitarian police state and that’s not an improvement over current U.S. cities just yet. You could do that without the pope. And thirdly, if the pope were to move to America that would mean he’d leave Vatican City. If that happened then there’s a chance they could degrade into the type of crime ridden slums you see in America. If the pope does believe he has crimefighting powers I don’t think he’d be willing to risk that.

Pope Francis used to be a club bouncer so maybe it's possible.

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