Ask McFartnuggets: “How is Mistletoe Legal?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
How is mistletoe legal? You just hold up a plant over someone’s head and they’re forced to kiss you? What kind of sick bastard invented this? I was at a Christmas party the other night and I had to kiss 5 guys I really didn’t want to. I would never have kissed them, but I had a few drinks and they had the mistletoe. I feel like I was violated, but at the same time it was part of the holiday spirit and you feel obligated to not be a party pooper. I just feel really bad about it. They say it’s just a kiss. They always say “It’s just one kiss!” But having someone’s tongue in your mouth when you don’t want it there feels so wrong. It doesn’t feel like just a kiss! It feels like mouth rape. How can something like this be allowed to continue? -- Pam from Madison, Wisconsin

Dear Pam:
Wow... That’s messed up. Just so you know, there’s no legally binding agreement that you have to kiss someone who has mistletoe over your head. No still means no. You always have the right to say no as a human being and if you’re not feeling it then you have to say no. You can say no to mistletoe. I know you don’t want to cause a scene at a Christmas party, but making a scene is better than being sexually assaulted at a Christmas party. At least if there’s a party people can jump in and help you. A festive plant is not a free rape kiss ticket. Ultimately, you make the decision, not a hovering shrub.

Oh yeah! Is this making anyone else horny?

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