Ask McFartnuggets: “What’s The Difference Between Summa Cum Laude and Magnum Cum Laude?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
I’m trying to graduate from college soon and all I hear from people on campus is “Oh I’m make the sumo cum loud!” or “I gotta get magnum cum loud!” What on earth are these people talking about? You’re trying to make a sumo wrestler cum loudly? That’s gross. Whether you use a magnum or just a regular condom doesn’t it matter as long as you’re making the bitch cum loud! What’s the difference here? Some cum loud, some don’t. I was with a chick for a few months who didn’t make a sound during sex. It was like she was a mime or something. I think they call it a mute. She didn’t cum loud at all. We had to break up due to communication issues in our relationship, but it was still good while it lasted. Why are people so wrapped up in all this loud cumming? I don’t get it. Just enjoy the moment! -- Tony from Oceanside, California

Dear Tony:
Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… I’m gonna have to stop answering your questions. First off, it’s “SUMMA cum laude” not SUMO… and it’s “MAGNA cum laude” not Magnum like the Trojan brand condom... They’re latin phrases which mean “with highest honor” and “with great honor” respectively. The difference is when someone graduates summa cum laude it means they had the top grade in their class and if they graduate magna cum laude it means they had the next to highest. “Cum” in latin means “with” which is presumably why it came to mean orgasm because you’re having sex WITH another person. The other part that’s confusing you is the “laude” which means “praise.” When you laud a person’s work you’re praising it, sometimes loudly. This has nothing to do with the volume at which someone is cumming. Hope that clears things up and good luck with school.

It's not the size of your diploma, it's how you use it.

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