Ask McFartnuggets: “How Do They Know if The Emergency Broadcast Test Worked?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

You know when they do that Emergency Broadcast System Test with the screechy noises and a creepy voice comes on and says “This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this was real you’d be given more information about the crazy shit that’s happening right now.” My question is, if it’s a test how the hell do they even know if the test was successful? No one calls them and says “YEP I SAW THE TEST!” So if they don’t need people at home to let them know if it worked then why the hell even put it on TV to begin with? Can’t they just simulate ruining the erection I have watching “The View” from their end and not bother with all the screeching whining banshee noises? And also by the way, if it is a test they need to work on clearing up the audio on that because the guy always sounds like he’s talking through a 1920’s Ham radio in a submarine. I don’t know, maybe I’m crazy but if you’re trying to give important information to people about an emergency it might be helpful to be heard clearly in a crisp voice without any static. All the static does is make the dude sound creepy which I’m guessing is part of the whole idea. And while I’m on the subject, why the hell is this even a thing? I mean if some super serious emergency is happening usually you hear about that crap on the news. On 9/11 they didn’t do the Emergency Broadcast System because people already knew from every damn channel on TV! -- Ian from Peoria, Illinois

Dear Ian:

Well, it’s actually the Emergency Alert System now. It changed from the Emergency Broadcast System in 1997. And I’m guessing they air their tests just to make people aware of what it is. They probably make the voice creepy on purpose so that people pay attention to it. If it was some guy who sounded like he was narrating a Viagra commercial people would just ignore it. When you hear a staticy voice that sounds like it’s coming from the depths of hell your ears tend to perk up. And even though in instances like 9/11 or a zombie apocalypse where it would be basically useless, it’s still used to warn local populations about tornados and other severe weather.

These tests can be fun if you pretend you're a nuclear submarine captain.

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