The Top 5 Negatives To Having A Phablet

Basically you've got a
portable DVD player that
makes phone calls.

Phablets are the new hot thing to have in 2014. A phablet is basically what happens when a cell phone bangs a computer. What could be wrong with that? Well, as with any bizarre hybrid there are some negatives to these monstrosities. Here are the top 5 reasons you should avoid getting a phablet:

5.They affect the way you walk.

You can’t shove a small laptop in your pants and just continue on like nothing happened. Whichever pocket you choose to place it in, that leg will basically become like a pirate peg leg because the phone is going to extend half way down to your damn knee. Having a phablet is basically like walking around with a giant really wide yet thin boner all day long, like if your dick was a TV Guide.

4. They bend.

The World Trade Center was so big it would sway in the wind and that was a natural effect of the sheer size of the buildings. The iPhone 6 Plus bends for basically the same reason.

3. You need to wear big ass pants.

Most normal human pants weren’t designed to keep a phablet in the pocket. Unless you’re morbidly obese or a giant, you’re going to need to buy special cargo pants to hold your phone. Then you wind up walking around looking like a clown talking into a Microsoft Surface Mini.

2. Tumor risk is increased.

People used to think you got tumors from cell phones and that was never really proven, but I figure the larger the phone gets the more risk there is for that. I mean when do people stop? One day they’re going to be holding flat screen TVs up to their face. That can’t be safe.

And the number one negative to phablets is...

1. You look ridiculous.

Your phone doesn’t really need to be that big. There’s no reason to be walking around with a phone the size of your head. People keep clamoring for bigger and bigger screens on their phones and soon enough the next iPhone will just be an iPad that can make calls. Maybe then people will realize how silly they look.

Introducing the iPhone 7 Plus.