The Top 5 Businesses That Will Suffer Greatly Due to Ebola

The clothing incineration
biz will NOT see a negative
impact from Ebola.

As Ebola begins springing up all around America there are going to be some big impacts felt on local and national businesses alike. If by some chance you are involved in any of the following businesses, you may want to prepare contingencies in the event that Ebola spreads and ruins your finances. Here are the top 5 businesses that will suffer greatly in the event of an Ebola pandemic:

5. African tourism companies

These were actually feeling a huge negative impact even before Ebola was spotted in America. No one wants to take vacations to Africa right now because if the Ebola continues to travel north there might be chance they vacationers could be detained and quarantined in Africa indefinitely. In that case they would be treated for Ebola in Africa which is much worse than being treated for it in America.

We're all going to miss out on Africa's great nightlife.

4. Thong companies

Who wears a thong during an Ebola outbreak? There’s no reason you can’t, but it’s just not a popular thing. Usually people wear thongs when they’re out being whorish or at the beach. When Ebola is going around that’s going to mean less whorish behaviors and less beachgoing.

This is not Ebola threat clothing.

3. African restaurants

Like African tourism companies, African restaurants are feeling the pinch right now due to paranoia and some slight ignorance. No one wants to take the chance that one of the chefs has Ebola and doesn’t know it and is accidentally getting some of their bodily fluids in the food. This is especially a risk if you have a problem with your dish and send it back to the kitchen since we all know that greatly increases your chances of ingesting bodily fluids.

Even Moroccan restaurants will feel the impact. Morocco is technically in Africa.

2. Radio Shack

Radio Shack is pretty much screwed so it’s on this list regardless of Ebola.

Looks like Ebola has already struck this bitch.

And the number one business that will be in serious trouble if Ebola spreads is...

1. Gyms

Since Ebola spreads through sweat, gyms will be seen as deadly plague zones. Some people say “Relax, you can only get Ebola through bodily fluids like sweat.” Yeah well, at a gym that’s the equivalent of being in a giant room full of people soaked from head to toe in blood and saying “Relax, you can only get it through blood.” That’s not very comforting. If sweat was red like blood I’m sure people would be taking that a little more seriously, but because it’s transparent people aren’t as scared. If Ebola does break out in America you better believe nearly every gym in the country will be shut down and condemned.  

No one's going to want to get on this thing when it's covered in death juice.