Dumbass Sayings: "Magic Tape"

If you’re a human you’re probably familiar with 3M’s Scotch Tape and the brand called “Magic tape.” Obviously this is an insult to all magicians and illusionists who ever lived. Thank god Houdini wasn’t alive to see this crap, he probably would have shit his Chinese water torture cell. It’s TAPE. What's so magical about this? How gullible and easily impressed were people when the concept of clear tape came out? Calling translucent adhesive tape “Magic” is like calling a home video of you having sex with your wife “Porn.” It’s just insulting to anyone who’s in the actual business of magic and porn and a select few who are in the mysterious “magic porn” business. The whole reason people thought it was magic is because it looked frosty on the roll, but then clear on paper. It was a simpler time back in the early 60’s. Wow! Now I know magic isn’t really people’s number one form of entertainment anymore, but it’s never as boring as tape looking frosty and then becoming clear when applied to paper. You might not be that blown away when some dipshit at a party pulls out the same card that you picked earlier that he didn’t see, but at least some people find that impressive. No one’s getting laid by pulling out a roll of Scotch tape and going “TA-DA!” You know what’s magic? CDs and DVDs. How do you print sound and videos on a disc? Even if you understand how that stuff works, you have to admit it’s more magical than Scotch tape and no one calls them MAGIC DISCS. Magic tape is horsecrap.

I hear this is part of David Blaine's new special.