Dumbass Sayings: "I Trust You About As Far As I Can Throw You"

Sometimes people will say “I trust you about as far as I can throw you!” This is supposed to mean they don’t trust you very much, but it’s a really weird phrase that makes no sense. You’re trying to insult me saying you can’t trust me by announcing your own physical weakness? That’s like saying “I trust you about as far as I can go without taking drugs!” An insult should always be directed entirely toward the person you’re insulting. You can’t add in a little dig at yourself. That doesn’t help. And if you really trusted people as far as you could throw them then dwarf folks and babies would be among the most trustworthy people in the world. In reality most babies can't be trusted, despite the fact you can launch them pretty far if you grab em by the legs like an Olympic hammer and really get a lot of torque behind your throw. And of course many dwarfs work at carnivals and you'd be wise never to trust a carnie, everyone knows that. Also this saying would imply that the morbidly obese are pathological liars who can’t be trusted at all. This is clearly untrue. I know a lot of very honest fat people. Also, there’s no known correlation between strength and your ability to trust. This phrase is pure nonsense and people need to stop using it and also stop attempting to throw people.

Footballs are great at keeping secrets.