Top Top Five Places to Avoid So You Don't Get Ebola

Right now avoiding Ebola
is a luxury for most people.

With the threat of an Ebola pandemic looming it’s important to make sure you do what you can to not catch it. Experts say you shouldn’t change your daily life because of Ebola, but there are some things you can avoid to greatly reduce your chances of exposure to this frightening virus. Here are the top 5 places to avoid in case Ebola begins spreading quickly:

5. Subways

I mean subway transportation AND the sandwich store. People think Subway sandwiches are clean because the artists wear gloves, but you're making the assumption they’d take the gloves off to pick their ass. I doubt it. And we all know actual subways are just giant moving Petri dishes with a brand of Hepatitis for each line. There's Hepatitis A, B or if you want symptoms faster get the express on the C train.  Subway cars and platforms are basically just bodily fluid canvasses for the filthiest of humans.

Subways are rarely cleaned though they are sprayed down nightly by homeless people.

4. Restaurants

Like Subway restaurants, you might want to avoid eating out when Ebola comes around. You never know who’s handling your food. People who work in food preparation are usually not going to take days off if they feel a little sick and one drop of sweat in your dish could mean you end up in quarantine for a month. You definitely want to avoid any West African cuisine until Ebola dies down.

Try to avoid any of the all-you-can-eat buffets.

3. Gyms

Speaking of sweat, gyms and “health centers” are basically like sweat factories. Think of Ebola like AIDS that you can get from sweat. That would be the equivalent of walking into a gym and seeing everything and everyone soaked in blood. The optics of that would be a little more threatening than with sweat. People tend to be a little more ignorant of that because sweat is transparent. You have to avoid being too lax when it comes to other people’s sweat.

People don't workout dressed like this anymore so your exposure to their sweat is much higher.

2. Hospitals

It might seem weird, but avoiding hospitals is one of the best things you can do to keep from getting Ebola. If you’re healthy, don’t visit anyone or hang around emergency rooms for fun. During the height of flu season a lot of people are going to be vomiting everywhere and getting diarrhea all over hospitals and one of those people might have Ebola and not know it. Doctors are among the highest at risk for Ebola too so you’re going to want to stay away from those freaks unless you’re really sick.

Most hospitals aren't even prepared to treat Ebola.

And the number one place to avoid to keep from getting Ebola is...

1. Public Bathrooms

A big deal is made about how you can only get Ebola through contact with bodily fluids. Well, public bathrooms are basically dens of many people’s bodily fluids. Everywhere you turn there will be bodily fluids. On the sink, on the toilet, on the mirror, on the door knobs, on the paper towel dispenser, etc. Most people don’t use public restrooms unless it’s an emergency, but even in an emergency you might want to bypass public bathrooms altogether. If Ebola hits its stride it might actually be better to shit your pants in public than subject yourself to the risks that a public bathroom holds.

It's probably better to just have your own litter box with you at all times to use in a pinch.