Dumbass Sayings: “I Beg Your Pardon”

When your grandmother can’t hear what you said because her ears are dying she says “I beg your pardon, sonny?” You beg my pardon? What is this the 17th century? Let’s deconstruct this phrase. First of all, you “Beg”? You’re begging? Why? Have some dignity! And you’re begging for my pardon? The only person who should be begging for a pardon is someone on death row. If one was to take this saying literally, you’re pleading for my forgiveness over the fact that you didn’t hear what I said. That is a little excessive. To top it all off you’re not really begging or pleading. If you were doing that you’d be on your knees. So you’re not begging. Why are you using the word? Stop using words improperly. I don’t care if you’re trying to be polite. There are ways to be polite without sounding like you’re a musketeer talking to a princess. Just say “I’m sorry what was that?” That sounds like something someone in the 21st century would say. Better yet, be more concise and just say “Huh?” That works. I’d prefer to speak in guttural single syllables than in ornate superfluous outdated language that when actually examined makes no goddamn sense.

Unless you look like a depressed Santa and have a hat held out you're not begging.