Dumbass Sayings: “We Treat You Like You'd Treat You”

Discover card’s slogan is “We treat you like you’d treat you.” I sincerely doubt that’s true. If it was then I would be expecting a hand job from Discover almost every day. As far as I can tell, they have no such “self pleasure” department. I’ve inquired several times and been told to stop calling. Would I tell me to stop calling? I don’t think so. Me would say “Hey, alright let’s do this!” Then me would serve myself a sandwich and comfort me while I dealt with the depression of what I had just done to myself. And let’s say I got get into some serious debt problems. If Discover treated me how I’d treat me they’d relax and let me pay back what I could when I could. They’d say “Hey man, relax. I know you have a payment due this month, but since you’re me how about we just turn a blind eye to that and let you start repaying at a 0% interest rate sometime next Fall. As a matter of fact, let’s go with a negative interest rate for awhile to help you get back on your feet here.” Discover doesn’t do anything close to that. Actually, I would probably not make myself pay me back at all to be honest. How the hell do you loan money to yourself? You can’t give yourself money. This is a bullshit slogan.

At least they treat you better than Columbus treated natives.