Three Easy Ways To Get Extra Time Off Work

Sometimes you have to lie
to get an extra vacation.

Sometimes you need a few days off from work, but you don’t want to admit the real reason why so you have to come up with a false excuse. Coming up with a lie to get out of work can be tricky. Fortunately there are three pretty easy ways you can get out of work without too much hassle. Just make sure you stay off social media while you’re on your mini vacation or you may wind up being fired if word gets to your boss. Here are three easy ways to get time off work:

1. Say your cousin died.

Funerals and memorial services are always a bittersweet way to get time off work. The nice thing about saying your cousin died is most people have a lot of cousins so you can use this excuse a few times before people get suspicious. It’s not like saying your kid died or your grandpa. With grandparents you can really only use this excuse a maximum of four times, but with cousins there’s almost no maximum depending on how many aunts and uncles you have.

Everyone can afford to lose a few cousins here or there.

2. Say your pregnant wife is going into labor.

This one only really works for men and lesbians, but it’s a great excuse if certain factors are in place. If your wife or girlfriend is a little chubby then she doesn’t even have to be pregnant for this to work. Also because a woman going into labor is always an emergency you hardly have to explain yourself. You can even reuse this excuse a few times by saying they were false alarms. Then when you’ve got enough time off and people start asking about the baby you can tell them it was a miscarriage and they will purposely avoid talking about it and feel sorry for you which is an added bonus.

Nearly everyone takes a pregnant woman situation seriously.

3. Show up to work drenched in sweat and coughing then tell people you had lunch with your friend from Liberia the other day.

With Ebola paranoia spreading quicker than the virus itself, pretending to have The E is a great excuse for getting out of work. It will require some acting skill, but if you can sell it right no one’s going to want you in the workplace and you might even get paid time off. The trick is to really have a lot of water on you so you appear to be sweating a lot and if you can vomit on cue that’s also a great help.

Experience all the benefits to Ebola without all the pesky side effects.