The Top 5 Jobs You Shouldn't Trust a Robot To Do

There are some responsibilities
robots can't handle yet.

As artificial intelligence robots become more and more integrated into human life, it’s important to keep an eye on them. There are certain jobs that you can’t trust a robot to do and I know that may come off as sounding robotist, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. Here are the top 5 jobs we shouldn’t let robots do:

5. Grief Counselor

Robots may be good at a lot of things, but comforting someone after a tragedy is not one of them. The key to a grief counselor is empathy and until robots have adequate emotion replicators and can actually feel and understand true anguish then they will always be less than great grief counselors.

What do robots know about being attracted to their mothers?

4. Hand Job

Sex robots may be the next big thing in technology, but hand jobs are going to be an iffy action. If you've seen those robot arms that assemble cars or the Terminator arm then you know what everyone is afraid of. It’s all fun and games until someone gets their dick ripped off.

Do you see the speed there? You don't want that anywhere near your genitalia.

3. Midwife

Robot midwives may be a common thing in the future, but right now the proposition is frightening. Even if every 100 births went perfectly, you know there's the chance the robot could malfunction and squeeze the baby's head too hard and crush it right in front of the mother which I'm sure is extremely traumatizing.

Robot hands aren't the best at cradling newborns.

2. President

Maybe one day things will be different in America and people will be willing to elect a robot President, but as of right now that’s not something people are comfortable with. While a robot President would never have to worry about sex scandals and other gaffes, it probably wouldn’t be that great at connecting with other foreign leaders or even Congress to help pass legislation. The biggest issue is they might appoint a bunch of other robots to their cabinet and before you know it robot overlords really are calling the shots.

Al Gore almost became President, but America wasn't ready for that.

And the number one job you can’t trust a robot with is…

1. Proctologist

While it may be less embarrassing and awkward to just let a robot check your prostate, you really have to worry about a glitch or error causing the robot proctologist to switch into jackhammer mode. Or worse yet, someone hacks the robot’s eye cameras and sends the live feed to your Facebook while it’s in jackhammer mode. An incident like that would have you pining for the good old days of a live man’s finger in your ass.

Keep that out of my ass.