Dumbass Sayings: "Nature's Call"

When you have to go take a dump people refer to that as “Nature’s call.” This is a very inaccurate description. It’s not a call, it’s a demand. “Call” implies that you have a choice in the matter. If it was a call you could hang up or put it on hold until it decided to call back later. If it was a call you could just press “Ignore” and let it go to voicemail. The big problem is since it’s not a call, that voicemail will eventually explode in your pants and cause a horrible incident that will thoroughly embarrass you at work. If it was a call you could see the caller ID or press *69 to find out what exactly gave you diarrhea. Instead, it’s more of a guessing game where the answer is usually Taco Bell or undercooked shrimp. The fact is, taking shits is really nothing like a call. If it was then it would be appropriate to make calls while on the toilet, but most people find that offensive and disturbing. The only way shitting is like a call is if you squeeze your buttcheeks really hard together you can put it on vibrate.

There's nothing like a nice long chat with nature.