What can you make with 10 sticks?

I have no idea what Smokey Bear is doing with this new commercial. It starts by words asking: "What can you make with 10 sticks?" Then for damn near 30 seconds they make different animal shapes out of matches, most of which don't look like the animals they're intending to depict (especially the snake). I recognized the tree, a goat, deer, and chicken hawk, though there had to be at least a dozen more. Finally the introspective climax hits you, "What can you destroy with one stick?" they show a lone match and fade to white. "Only you can prevent wildfires." Please note most of this is probably inaccurate due to my horrible short term memory, but it'll be fun to see what exactly I remembered correctly next time I see it.

This is not a smart commercial for a few reasons:

1. The idea that only one match can cause disaster and therefore isn't worth playing with when you can take 9 more matches and start making fun animal shapes is downright ridiculous.

2. If by some chance kids do think playing with matches by making shapes is more fun than lighting them, you're going to have kids stealing and even purchasing matches they wouldn't normally, in order to play with them, increasing the chance for disaster.

3. Why limit what someone can do in the art of match design to 10 matches? Why not say "What can you do with 100 matches? 1,000? 100,000?" Is it because you didn't want to make elaborate and awesome mosaic artwork with matches for your stop motion 10 dollar budget commercial that's supposed to convince children not to engulf the woods in flames?

4. If you're going to make people realize the real toll of wildfires you should show them real animals and real people. You don't show them fun, hardly recognizable matchstick compositions. Make people feel guilt, even if the person out there starting the fires is a jealous, down on his luck, communist psychopath, he might be watching and feel bad about who he's hurting. If he watches matchsticks dance around he's just going to want another cigarette.

That's pretty much all I can think of for the moment, but I was very disappointed by the ad. I've come to expect so much more from Smokey Bear. Any bear that has the wherewithal to put on slacks and a park ranger's hat has to be more competent than to allow something like this to bear his name (pun stumbled onto). So if by some chance this commercial didn't work on you and you're thinking about running off into the woods to spark some wildfires, just stop right now, don't move, sit there, don't f*cking do it! If you want to play with fire, do what normal people do: sit in the bathtub with a zippo and try to light your farts on fire. If you manage to do this well, upload it on YouTube immediately and send me the link.

Good luck, and watch out for a bushfire, but if you shaved all your pubes and donated them like I asked of you a few days ago then you should be fine,

-Binkie McFartnuggets

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