3 Easy Things You Can Do To Keep Your Toilet From Clogging During A Massive Dump

Nothing's more horrifying than
when those poop pipes clog up.

If you’ve been really busy and forgot to take a poop in four or more days then you’ll likely end up taking a massive dump eventually. You’ll know it’s a massive dump because they’re the type of dump that can change the complexion of your entire month. They’re the type of dump that makes you question everything. When it’s over you have to lay down with a blanket, smoke a cigarette, reconsider everything you think you know about life and try to find God. They change the way you walk and conduct yourself because your butthole is stretched out to proportions it should never be stretched to. Worse yet, these dumps can easily clog your toilet and ruin your entire week making a gigantic disgusting mess. If only tiny pebble shits could clog a toilet, but no, toilets only get clogged by huge amounts of dung that then end up all over your floor. That’s just how life works. Fortunately there are a few things you can do to help save you a big headache to go with your assache. Here are 3 easy steps to keep from clogging the toilet with a huge shit:

1. Flush just the crap before wiping.

A common mistake people make is waiting until after they’re done wiping to flush. If you’ve taken a serious dump then that alone might clog a toilet. Adding wads of toilet paper is only going to exacerbate the issue. Flush in segments. Don’t just wait til the end. Think of your dump like a movie. There’s three acts. Don’t save it all for the end credits or you’re going to see a post-credits sequence that involves you scrubbing shit off your bathroom floor with a squeegee.

2. Wait awhile before flushing again.

Once you’ve flushed a bunch of crap down and it just barely went down, wait at least half an hour before flushing the second payload. Some people don’t have the time to sit on the toilet for an extra half hour to an hour, but it really makes a difference. Letting that poop travel down the pipe makes it less likely that you next flush will run into its brother and clog up the pipe.

3. Flush while in the middle of pooping aka “Feeding the dragon”

This is a fairly advanced technique that takes a little bit of practice. The trick here is to actually flush mid-defecation. While the crap link is coming out, hit the flusher so the water is basically eating the poop as it’s coming out of your ass. I call this “Feeding the Dragon” and if you can master this, it’ll be almost impossible for your toilet to ever overflow. The tricky part is multitasking, reaching around to flush while keeping a steady dung sausage flow. Practice with less overwhelming dumps so when you really need it you are prepared.

If you're still having problems, shitting in a box is always an option.