Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can I Recover From Being Left Hanging From A High Five?”

A high five can be a destructive weapon
if it's not deployed properly.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I like to give a lot of high fives, it’s sort of my thing. Except that sometimes I hold up my hand and the other person either doesn’t see me or doesn’t want to slap my hand so I get left hanging and everyone around me looks at me like I’m a doofus. I have to slowly lower my hand and I feel stupid. What can I do differently to look cooler when this happens? -- Tina from Sacramento

Dear Tina:

Here’s an easy solution, whenever you’re holding up your hand for a high five and someone leaves you hanging, just keep your hand up. A high five is kind of like a missile that you arm and fire away at another person. When your missile is armed and you can’t launch it then you can either have it blow up in your face or you can do what Randy Quaid did in “Independence Day” and fly into a giant alien vagina and save the world. Well you can’t really do all of that, but you can do something like that. When you get left hanging by someone, keep your hand held up in that high five position and wait for someone else to slap it. Then make that high five as awesome as you can and make sure the person who passed it up sees it so they know what they missed out on. Then that turns THEM into the idiot. Once you finally get that high five it doesn’t matter who it’s with or how drunk you are, you’re the hero at that moment and your son who looks like Keanu Reeves is very proud of you.

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