Dumbass Sayings: “Keep Your Eyes Peeled”

Eyes peeled? What am I?
A POTATO?!

When a neighbor’s child child goes missing they’ll knock on your door and tell you to “Keep your eyes peeled.” What the hell is that supposed to mean? I think you mean “Keep your eyes OPEN.” There is a big difference between “open” and “peeled.” I can do open. Open is good. Open is fine for me. Peeled is another story. Just thinking about peeling my eyeballs is making me shudder a little. Look I realize you’re experiencing a difficult time right now, but I don’t know how me taking an apple peeler and using it to detach my retinas is going to help anybody. If you want me to help find your kid then I’d better have full function of my eyeballs and not be bleeding profusely from them and permanently blind.