Dumbass Sayings: “Watch Your Mouth”

Can women watch
their mouths easier
than men?

When you saw a swear word at your daughter’s PTA meeting or a funeral, usually someone will tell you to “Watch your mouth.” I don’t know how this saying ever caught on. The words you say have nothing to do with your mouth. The things you say come from your brain. What if I had my voice box removed and had to curse through one of those neck thingamabobs. Would you tell me to watch my mechanical larynx?

If you hold up a handwritten sign that says “Suck my pecker, asslantern!” at a wedding is that then okay because you watched your mouth? What would people say then? Would they say “Watch your hands”? No, because if you said that in that context it would seem ridiculously stupid. Yet, when someone says something offensive it’s totally okay to tell them to watch their mouth. That doesn’t really make sense does it.

Plus, watching your mouth doesn’t imply censoring yourself. When someone tells me to watch my mouth I just pull out a mirror or stare as far down my face as I can and watch my lips as I continue saying horribly offensive things. Boy does that make them look foolish. Yeah, I’m watching my mouth now, dummies! Isn’t that what you wanted?! Then I still get kicked out of Christmas party, but hey I’m drunk at that point so who really cares.