The Top 5 Worst Foods To Competitively Eat

Why do the Nathan's hot dog eaters
get to use their hands?

When it comes to competitive eating, usually any food is fair game. Competitive eaters participate in contests where they eat things like potato salad, oysters, and even bull testicles. There are however some foods that should definitely not be used for a competitive eating contest and here are the top 5 worst:

5. Praying mantis

Some people think killing praying mantises is illegal, well it’s not. The reason you shouldn’t competitively eat these bastards is because of their spiky legs that pinch your throat if you don’t chew well enough (and during an eating contest you won’t).

Most species of mantis taste horrible.

4. Rhinoceros penis

I don’t think I have to explain this one.

You can't really eat any part of a rhino quickly.

3. Blowfish

Japanese blowfish or “Fugu” is widely considered one of the deadliest foods known to man. It has to be very carefully prepared to make sure that the poison doesn’t contaminate the meat. Unfortunately, due to the volume that would have to be prepared for an eating contest, there is an increased likelihood that the chef will rush through his task and make a mistake leading to numerous fatalities.

Maybe after you're done finding Nemo you can find a damn hospital.

2. Peanut butter

Eating peanut butter at a fast pace is basically a death sentence. You can’t really chew it so the more you stuff down your throat the more likely you are of choking to death. Because it clings to the esophagus, competitively eating peanut butter is like packing a car exhaust pipe with putty. The exhaust will flood into the car and probably kill you. Stuffing pipes never works out well for anyone whether it’s exhaust pipes or feeding pipes.

Jelly helps the peanut butter go down. Without that lubrication eating straight globs of peanut butter can be deadly.

And the number one worst food to competitively eat is…

1. Panda meat

Without a doubt, the number one worst food to eat competitively, or at all, is panda meat. I know, you’re thinking, “But what about human meat?” Well, I don’t consider human meat to be food, and even if I did, humans aren’t endangered like pandas are. Never engage in a competitive panda eating contest! You know panda doesn’t taste good because if it did, it would probably be a Chinese delicacy. You know how those people do!

Who would eat this cuddly son of a bitch?