Dumbass Sayings: “Time On Your Hands”

If you've got time on your hands
just masturbate. Then later you
can wash the time off.

Sometimes when people see the life sized replicas of your neighbors that you made out of their pubic hair that you’ve gathered over the course of a decade from their home when they weren’t there, they say “Boy, someone’s got a lot of time on their hands… A LOT OF TIME ON THEIR HANDS!” What the hell do you mean time on hands? You can’t have time on your hands. You can have time on your WRISTS, that’s called wearing a watch. Even then you’d only have time on your wrist because who the hell wears two watches? Maybe if I laid an old fashioned pocket watch in my palm to observe it I would have time on my HAND. I wouldn’t have a lot of time on my hand either I’d only have a day. Even then that’s not actually time, that’s just a device that we use to keep track of time. You can’t possess time. It’s an abstract concept. I don’t have any time on my hands. No one does, you freak!