The Top 5 Best Things To Buy In Bulk

Buying condoms in a warehouse
seems weird, but it's really smart.

In a rough economy many people take advantage of buying items in bulk to save money. The trick to saving money this way is to know what you should buy in bulk and which you shouldn't. Things you shouldn't buy in bulk depend on you personally. One person might not need to buy black tar heroin in bulk, but another person might go through a bundle per day. So I can't tell what not to buy in bulk, but here are the top 5 things you should:

5. Soap

If you're a normal person then you probably use a product called "soap" to wash your face, ass, and balls. Well if you're lucky you'll have those three things for awhile so there'll always be a constant need for soap. Plus when you buy a lot of soap that affords you the ability to have three separate bars at all times one dedicated to your face, one solely for your rectum, and a special one for your balls or ovaries if you're a woman.

Nothing's worse than being a cartoon baby without soap.

4. Toilet Paper

TP is one of the most expensive everyday items on the market today. It's so expensive because companies know you can't live without it. Because the prices per roll are so high it makes sense to buy in large quantities, basically as much as you can. Sure you will look weird walking out of Costco with a 5,000 roll package but it's going to save you a lot of money in the long run. You're never not going to need to wipe your ass.  

Even if your ass never needed a wipe, you could still use toilet paper for arts and crafts projects.

3. Condoms

You never want to run out of condoms because it only needs to happen once to ruin your week, month, or even decade depending on how often you have sexual relations with complete strangers. Even if you don't have casual sex constantly there are lots of handy household uses for condoms like making keychains or travel bags for your pet goldfish so there'll never be waste.

Condoms are like mini portable trash bags for your testicle children.

2. Diapers

Every parent knows diapers are a huge pain.in the wallet so to limit that pain you should be buying them in bulk. Also, buy the biggest sizes that way even when your baby stops shitting his pants you can save them in a closet for when you're old enough to shit your pants again. It's called investing in the future.

Cloth diapers hurt the environment by wasting electricity to wash them.

And the number one best thing to buy in bulk is...

1. Tampons

If you're a woman you know you can never have enough tampons on you at any given time. Even if you're a man it helps to have tampons because you can help a lady out when she's on her period and is about to bleed in her pants. Tampons are versatile items too. You can use them for lots of different household projects. I made a paint roller out of them once. And yes, the paint was red.

Or you can use a menstrual cup like some kind of weirdo!