The Top 5 Worst Topics For Small Talk

Dwarfs: Ironically, not a
good topic for small talk.

Making small talk is an unfortunate part of life. No one with a fully functioning brain really cares about talking about the weather or baseball with strangers, but they have to because most people can't handle the awkward tension of silence. If you're going to clear the room of that tension you had better pick a safe topic that everyone shares the same opinion on. Some topics make time go by fast, others stop it dead in its tracks and lead to even more silence and awkwardness. Here are the top 5 worst small talk topics of conversation:

5. The OJ Simpson verdict

Decades later, the decision to acquit OJ Simpson of murder is still a divisive issue in America. It's not at the forefront of people's concerns, but you never want to start a conversation that could lead to a race war.

It's also a bad topic of discussion just because it's so out of the blue.

4. The Holocaust

I don't care if you teach a course on the Holocaust it's just not appropriate water cooler conversation. It's important to remember that happened so we can learn from it, but it's also a bummer and you never know who has relatives that were involved.

Don't bring this up with anyone who even appears slightly German.

3. Abortion

When you talk about divisive issues it doesn't get more divisive than abortion. Some people are for it, some people against it and they will try to abort each other over it so don't even bother trying to discuss the issue.

Is this technically a person? Better not to ask.

2. Sex

Sex isn't really a safe topic of discussions during small talk because you don't know enough about these people. If you're making small talk at an anal bead convention then it's okay. Anywhere else, no.

No one at the bus terminal wants to hear about how you "make love."

And the number one topic you should never discuss during small talk is...

1. Drugs

You never want to make small talk about drugs because you never know who's a cop or friends/relatives of a cop. You can't even make small talk about legal prescriptions because it's illegal to sell those and you don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. One minute you're making small talk with some junkie on a street corner the next you're being indicted by a grand jury of your peers.

Mmm... Death mints!