The Top 5 Absolute Worst Times To Fart

The only good times to fart are either when you’re alone or in a farting contest where you’re being paid to fart. Any other time it’s usually not beneficial for you to be passing gas. With that said, there are particular times when farting is especially uncalled for and harmful to your social status. Here are the top 5 worst times to fart:

5. During a public wedding proposal.

Farting during a private wedding proposal is not great, but farting during a public one is pretty damn bad. By letting one crack during your proposal you’re putting some unnecessary pressure on your girlfriend to say no to you so she doesn’t look like she’s some idiot agreeing to marry a farting slob at a basketball game.

Kneeling is not the best position to be in when you're holding in gas.

4. During an intense staredown before a fight.

When you’re staring someone down before you’re about to engage in fisticuffs it’s a very tense moment. You’re trying to establish your dominance over the other person and nothing ruins that by letting a fart cut loose. It shows you’ve got a weak temperament and may give your opponent the added confidence necessary to whoop your ass.

Guess who farted first.

3. When a friend is telling you something really important.

When a close friend or family member is talking to you one on one about something very deadly serious to them it’s important to give them your full undivided attention. Whether they’re revealing that they’re suicidal or gay or have Cancer the last thing you want to do is fill their silence with a fart. There is a slight chance it could serve as some much needed comic relief, but if they’re not receptive to that sort of thing it could be a devastating show of disrespect.

Most people won't appreciate flatulence when they're trying to get real with you.

2. While delivering a funeral eulogy.

Farting at any time during a funeral is usually bad. It’s especially bad when you’re the one standing up paying homage to the deceased person’s life and legacy. Their spirit is supposed to be ascending to heaven and that can be difficult if it has to dodge rogue clouds of methane.

Farts are like the eulogies of food.

1. During a moment of silence.

The number one worst place and time to fart is during a moment of silence. It’s wrong for all the reasons farting during a funeral is wrong except worse because it’s usually around a lot of other people like at a football game. When your fart cracks the silence there’s no bigger way to mess up in life. You immediately become the worst person on Earth all because you stupidly decided to hit up Taco Bell before the game. Don’t make this mistake. Trust me!

When a salute turns into covering your face in shame.