Ask McFartnuggets: “Does God Hate Delicious Animals?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
Hey why does god make some animals taste delicious and others not? He must know that we would murder the delicious ones like cows and chickens and leave alone the bad tasting ones like cats and mice. Humans don’t taste too good and we know god loves us. Does god have something against pigs and chickens? -- Elsie from Omaha, Nebraska

Dear Elsie:
That’s an interesting question. I would say no to your question. If there is a god and it’s controlling everything we see and setting all the rules up then it might seem like he’s playing favorites, but under closer look, it’s all pretty equal. Cats might not be eaten very often, but to balance that out they have to lick themselves to get clean and are covered in loose fur. That’s a pretty cruel joke. Mice might not taste delicious, but surely god would know we’d be using them as lab mice and doing all sorts of fucked up experiments on them. The same goes for other primates. We don’t eat gorilla meat, but that doesn’t stop their lives from being pretty brutal in zoos and dangerous habitats full of human hunters. While it might seem like god has a vendetta against chickens and cows, the fact is, mostly every animal around is edible and as the cliche goes they “taste like chicken.” That’s not a coincidence. Is it messed up that chickens are so small and we basically have to murder one for a single meal vs one cow for a month of food? Yeah sort of… But everything tastes like chicken so it’s humans who decide the wholesale holocaust of chickens. Animals only come in like five total flavors (chicken being the most popular), it’s humans who make rules about which ones are okay to eat and which ones aren’t. Now because horses are more useful to ride than cows does that give them an edge? Yes, but again because of that, horses have been involved in countless wars and battles and are killed when they break their legs during horse races. No animal really gets off scot free when it comes to humans. The only ones would probably be ourselves. Human meat doesn’t taste too good (so I’ve read) so maybe that’s a little bias shown from a higher power, but aside from that I think it’s safe to say god hates and loves all animals equally regardless of how savory their flesh.

Chickens get a raw deal. We even eat their eggs. We don't eat cow fetuses.

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