Dumbass Sayings: “You Attract More Flies with Honey Than Vinegar”

When you’re spending your first night in prison you feel like you have to make a strong statement that you ain’t gonna be nobody’s bitch. So you look for the scariest dude up in there and try to prove a point by beating them senseless. Before you do, a wise old inmate says “Hey, fish! You attract more flies with honey than vinegar.” Now apparently he’s suggesting instead of being violent and offensive like vinegar, it would be better to be sweet like honey and maybe I don’t know, toss a few salads around the shower, but you know what? That’s horrible advice. Maybe it worked for that dude, but guess what? He’s still in prison. That means HE LOST. Why am I taking advice from some 70-year-old lifer? Anyone in jail for that long can’t be that wise. And I this thing of attracting flies with honey is just stupid. First off, how many flies have you ever seen around an open honey jar? I think you’re thinking about bees, moron. Second, I see lots of flies around feces and that’s a little more pungent than vinegar so this saying is complete dog shit. If the idea is to be nicer like honey and not harsh like vinegar then the whole logic is screwed up there. Third and lastly, why would I want to attract flies in the first place? You attract more flies by never taking a shower than with honey and vinegar combined. Does that mean I should stop bathing? In prison, that might actually deter people from trying to make love to me so the “flies” would be repulsed a bit. Almost nothing about this saying makes a goddamn bit of sense.

Spider webs catch a lot of flies too. So what is that supposed to mean? Set traps for people?